In our society, there’s a common saying “Get the boy married, he’ll become responsible.” And if that doesn’t work, the next argument is ready, “Once he has a child, he’ll become responsible.”
While this notion may seem valid in a few rare cases, most of the time it proves to be a dangerous social illusion, one that has ruined the lives of countless daughters raised with love and care.
Marriage and Responsibility A Mismatched Pair;
Across every community, regardless of religion, language, or region, parents get their children married.
They nurture their children for years, and finally, with love and dreams, send their daughters off hoping for their happiness. But the real problem begins when marriage is seen as a cure for irresponsibility.
Responsibility Comes from Awareness, Not Pressure;
Responsibility is not a burden; it’s a feeling, a sense of awareness taught from childhood. When parents involve their children in household tasks, teach them self-discipline and empathy, those children grow up to become assets to their families, society, and country, not liabilities.
Why the “Marriage Will Reform Him” Experiment Is Failing;
Every year, over 150,000 marital disputes are filed in India (National Crime Records Bureau, 2023). A large share of these cases stem from insensitivity, immaturity, and neglect of domestic responsibilities.
This shows the problem isn’t with marriage itself, the real issue is that people are simply not prepared for marriage. They lack the mental, emotional, and behavioral understanding that true responsibility demands.
Expecting Milk from a Bull;
Expecting A wife to “Fix” a man whom even his parents, especially his mother, couldn’t correct for 25 or 30 years, is like trying to extract milk from a bull. If a man doesn’t listen to his parents, why would he listen to his wife?
Women Are Not Wardens of Reform Homes;
Marriage is not a personality development or self-improvement course. Several surveys, including the India Today Survey (2022), reveal that 60% of married women in India suffer due to their husbands’ irresponsible or insensitive behavior. Many endure mental stress, financial insecurity, and even domestic violence, simply because society decided, “He’ll change after marriage.”
But the truth is someone’s daughter is not meant to reform someone’s spoiled son. Every person must take responsibility for their own behavior, decisions, and relationships.
The Real Role of Parents;
If a young man is lazy, irresponsible, or influenced by bad company, parents must intervene early. Their “beloved son” will one day become part of someone else’s life and his upbringing will directly affect the girl who marries him.
Marriage Is Like a Two-Wheeled Vehicle;
Marriage works like a two-wheeled vehicle, if one wheel is from a tractor and the other from a scooter, the vehicle won’t move forward.
Husband and wife must be equal, emotionally, in responsibility, and in cooperation. Responsibility is not a man’s burden alone; it’s a shared understanding between both partners. But that doesn’t mean one should carry the other’s load entirely.
A Husband’s Real Contribution;
If a husband sincerely fulfills his duties and doesn’t obstruct his wife’s efforts, that itself is a major contribution. The old “Towel Chaap” commanding attitude must now belong to history.
Responsibility Is Taught, Not Assigned;
Marriage doesn’t make someone responsible, responsible people make marriage successful. We must let go of the mindset that marriage is a “remedy” for irresponsibility. Teach children responsibility, sensitivity, and respect from an early age, so they grow up to become not a burden on someone’s life, but a support system.
In the End;
Marriages aren’t failing, irresponsible people are. Just as in a road accident, the car isn’t at fault, the driver is. Similarly, relationships don’t fail, the people driving them do.
Finally The vehicle called marriage can always run smoothly all it needs are responsible drivers.